Sometimes, I just dont want to be alive anymore.
Its like one minute I forget about reality and everything is fine, then the next I feel like I’m slowly being sufficated. I don’t feel like I could actually bring myself to doing something, like ending my life, but I just get a feelinig of, whats the point anymore, or something. I don’t know how to describe it, which is the worst part of it all. Sometimes I get anxiety attacks I think and other times I feel like the happiest 15 year old girl on the plant. Maybe its just my hormones as a teenager but I just feel like I am alone on this and nobody else understands me. I have tried to talk to my mom about it but she just doesn’t seem to get it. None of my friends would help me, honestly I feel like they don’t even like me. I dont have a lot of friends anymore. People always find a way to get away from my. I just attract overly dramatic freinds I guess. A lot of things have happened this year and I just don’t want to take all this. I feel like I have already done my share of freind breakups and boy drama and I can’t cope with it anymore. I don’t know what this means, should I go see a therapist maybe? I ask myself this often and actually brought myself the confidence to ask my mom if I could make an appointment with one, she said “No. You do not need one, at all and please don’t ask me anymore.” Since then, I have belived her that I don’t need one. I just want someone to talk to and to get advice from and to be reasured that this is normal and a part of growing up. Already, I am starting to feel the slightest bit better typing this out. If anyone has any advice, please speak up and we can all help each other out… I really don’t want to make this seem like I am sorry for myself because I am not. I really am not doing this for attention. trust me, I wouldn’t wish these feelings and voices in my head on my worst enemy. I don’t even know what or why I just wrote this. I hope tomorrow is a better day then this one. 🙂
p.s. The reason I chose this image was to represent my brain and feelings. They are all over the place, confused, and messy like the graffiti in the image I took.